Day 19 Struggles with the lawn mower

Since I have been home from my vacation, I have developed this lovely sleeping habit. It consists of going to bed around 4:30 and waking up at 1. I know it's a little ridiculous, but I never want to go to sleep and when I do I never want to wake up...it's a viscous cycle. This morning I was woken up with an accidental phone call at 9, then a preceding one at 9:02 from a car dealership. Then I realized I was hungry and of course I can never go to sleep when I'm hungry,. ( i think it's human torture. When parents say if you don't eat your dinner you go straight to bed, that should be considered as child abuse, or some form of no no.) So i woke up and stole my roomies cinnamon toast crunch and enjoyed it almost too much beside my cup of coffee.

I decided to be productive so first thing is first, I get up to mow the lawn. Unfortunately I wasn't wearing a dress but I probably should have due to the luck I had the last time. I gear up, which really just involves putting on shoes. I prime the mower, spray the fluid stuff where I was told and pull the rope handle thing. Nothing. I yank it a couple of times even though I feel like my arm is going to come out of its socket. Nothing. So i prime, spray and repeat. This time it starts I move 3 feet listening to my music and dancing and done. Nothing. "damn it!" Pull my arm out of my socket again. nothing. Try one more time with the mower tilted...starts 1 second later. Nothing. "really? What the fudge" So i give it a second to calm down and pull out my handy dany hard core scissors, you know the ones that are good for cutting chicken and hard plastic. I begin to " trim the hedges"( insert crude joke here), which really consists of cutting where ever because I have never attended lawn school. After 20 minutes of spiders, bugs, ungfamiliar noises, and realizing I should just get the real thing hedge clippers, i go back to the mower . I start examining it, (as if I know what to look for) and nothing. I call any guy I think will maybe have an option. noone answers. ofcourse. Then a call back from my old roomate, he tries not to laugh, then suggest bad fuel. So i turn the mower upside down and bleed the primer and gas pours onto my skin..lovely. new gas, new try. Yes it works. One-eighth of the way through, nothing. I beat the mower gently a couple of times and give up. Now I am left with a shafty lawn and a mower i borrowed with no help insite.

Just to let you know, I am the kind of person who thrives on being able to do things myself. I don't like asking for help, i will, but i don't like it. So not being able to mow the lawn is a little more frustrating to me than it should be. I know this. I think being so independent has it's pros and cons...now i find it a little harder. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time finding someone who wants to be with me. Maybe guys feel like they can't do anything for me, so what's the point. Don't get me wrong, i wish I were a princess who was able to request a knight in shining armor. But that fairy tale seems a little silly to me. I have gone so long depending on myself that I don't know how to depend on anyone else, even a man. I worry that my independence is going to falter me in the end. "Lonely woman who can sometimes mow her lawn, and do anything a man can." That's probably what the tabloids will read when I wind up being a 80 year old virgin." Funny.

Incapable of mowing today,

Jaime