Day 26 ....shame on me

This has been a good week...I got a new saltwater fish tank, which is more fun than i thought it would be...oh to live the life of a fish constantly swimming and being stared at in a glass box. It was a week of friends, and bonding if you will. I really love spending time with people, learning new things about them daily. Possibly living a little through their lives with the stories they have to share. I love my friends, each one with their individuality. each one.

As for tonight, well. I made plans with a friend. A friend which I used to enjoy spending time with as more than friends. It was different and he made me feel good about myself. Needless to say, all of a sudden it was over with no explanation, just broken words and hidden thoughts. I dragged myself along for far too long. I have been over him for quite sometime. It's just there is always going to be the questions in my head " what was it that I did", "why wasn't it good enough.?" and so on. Well tonight we had dinner which was nice, constant conversation. We went to see his friend play downtown. The night was really fantastic and as we were on our way to his house...I asked him to take me to my car. I am not implying that something would have happened if we did go, I just didn't want to put myself in the situation of being surrender to him again. Despite the butterflies that wouldn't die down for one minute. As we pulled next to my car he revealed a secret, which was strange first of all. It just came out of nowhere. Something that he had to get off his chest. He then began to tell me a story about a girl liking him and then him beginning to like her, and she just bailed. It was more but basically that is the gist. All I kept thinking is why is he telling me this, where is it going. I am familiar with the person so it dug a little deeper than the normal stories he tells about his adventures as a single man. I really didn't know what to say. I asked him why it bothered him and he really wasn't sure. I told him it was because he was dropped by a girl, it just didn't work out and he had no reasons for it. I just chuckled a little and shook my head. He asked what I was thinking and I said nothing, he insisted. So I just let him have it. I really don't know where it all came from and as the words fell from my mouth I couldn't believe I was saying them. I told him how rediculous he sounded, " why are you telling me this, and being so bothered by her","...It kind of makes me mad that you don't realize that this is exactly what you did to me. I never had an answer. Things were good, or so i thought and then you just dropped me because you got scared, or I don't know. If there was something that i did, you never even bothered to tell me. you left me with nothing." It was really quiet for a while. He apologized and then It made me more angry. I grabbed my purse and opened the door. He asked if I was really going to leave like this, I think he was just as shocked as I was. So I continue," you just don't know............you can talk to me about any other girl but people I know it's just not the greatest feeling. " Then I said I had to go and left. I sat in my car for a second fighting back the tears and as I drove down the rode I hit the steering wheel and just vented. ( i am sure I will have a bruise somewhere tomorrow). Then I continued thinking about everything that was said. I don't want him to think that I am not over him because I am. I just don't think that he ever understood the magnitude of his actions. I don't know why men in general don't think about anyone but themselves. It's completely ridiculous. I am sure now he thinks I am crazy and still I don't feel like he understands anything that I said. It's as if I no impression or regret left on him. It's situations like this that keep me wondering if any man is going to take the extra second to make sure that my feelings are taken into consideration. I feel as if I am some.....well not enough of something for anyone at this moment.

Jaime

day 21

So I have been tired the last couple of days, trying to fix my sleeping schedule, let it find some sort of normality. I took a nap after work and woke up to no car in the drive way. I was a bit shocked, apparently the lady lovely was running late for work. It's not a big deal, i just hate being stuck home with the world waiting for a little bit of discovery...but I was saved for an hour and I did get to go shopping for a baby shower with one of my soul mates, Mrs. MM. She is really a fantastic soul, very sweet with a side to here that never lets anyone push her around. She has a beautiful future growing inside of her, that I cannot wait to hold and love. We have an interesting history, the two of us, something I feel is irreplaceable, because it's us.

I ventured out of my comfort zone again last night. I met up with lil red and her boy for yogurt and we decided to walk down park ave....someone spotted a hookah sitting out in front of a restaurant with an interesting character smoking it. We decided to try some because I have yet to smoke the hookah. After studying the array of choice(which all sounded like popery scents) we went with apple and vanilla. We also decide to try some food. To my surprise we were sitting at a turkish restaurant...I could pronounce anything on the menu, it went something like this...galvishcael,bagavishno, mallizo, kjdfoiwe, fjsdifo...thank goodness for the english subtitles. We order a sampler, which scared me a little. I am more of a pizza and salad girl, I have to know what I am eating. The hookah arrives, and smells insanely delicious. I took one hit and felt like I was smoking popery, it was strange and interesting at the same time. It resembles smoking cloves and flowers. Loved it. the food arrived, which consisted of a plate with a bunch of unrecognizable items...and then of course this bread. The bread when fun, i could have poked at it all day. It was a huge poof ball, i guess there is a better name but I can't remember at the moment. It was thin with steam inside, I grabbed a knife and stabbed it, letting the steam rise. I wish I could learn out to make it, because it was delicious with melted butter and sesame seeds. Supposedly you did the bread in the unknown food and eat it that way. I believe there were 8 things, creamed caviare (not bad), a hummus( I'm getting used to eating it.), a couple of eggplant things, (which were good) a salsa thing( pretty bad) and some cream dip thing,(good) the others I can't remember, but for the most part if you can get past the textures it's not bad, not bad at all. Who would have thought that I would ever enjoy turkish. Ha.

güle güle - Jaime

güle güle

day 20 Momentary Silence

So it seems that I haven't been by myself in the last few months. I am now just realizing all the activities that I have been jumping to. I think I am trying to make up for the time I lost going through my mild depression and anxiety. Then, I would spend alot of time alone, thinking, trying to figure it all out night after night. Writing words that make me sad now, to think that it wouldn't even get better, that I was stuck. I do miss the time thinking about everything from the future to the way the leaves flow with the wind in my backyard fighting each other, but I don't miss the tears.

Relationships are a bit mind boggling to me. I am constantly surrounded my connections, whether it be love, lust, doubt, or worry. They are all around. I have friends who are in different stages. Just meeting, dating, engaged and married. It's interesting to think that one day I just might walk through the series of steps that it takes for people to end up with someone for the rest of their time. I am learning, this I know. But somehow I would like to be able to push past the meeting and greeting stage to a casual dating. I seem to keep saying the wrong thing, which is ironic, because apparently thats all I know. I say me. Inappropriate , funny, random , or crazy. I say me. It might be easier if guys did intimidate me, I could be this fragile, shy but intriguing girl who always laughs at his jokes or wears heels even. ( I know me in heels....ha) I am finally comfortable with being myself and loving myself, I just don't think anyone else is.

mmmhhhhhmm. Jaime

Day 19 Struggles with the lawn mower

Since I have been home from my vacation, I have developed this lovely sleeping habit. It consists of going to bed around 4:30 and waking up at 1. I know it's a little ridiculous, but I never want to go to sleep and when I do I never want to wake up...it's a viscous cycle. This morning I was woken up with an accidental phone call at 9, then a preceding one at 9:02 from a car dealership. Then I realized I was hungry and of course I can never go to sleep when I'm hungry,. ( i think it's human torture. When parents say if you don't eat your dinner you go straight to bed, that should be considered as child abuse, or some form of no no.) So i woke up and stole my roomies cinnamon toast crunch and enjoyed it almost too much beside my cup of coffee.

I decided to be productive so first thing is first, I get up to mow the lawn. Unfortunately I wasn't wearing a dress but I probably should have due to the luck I had the last time. I gear up, which really just involves putting on shoes. I prime the mower, spray the fluid stuff where I was told and pull the rope handle thing. Nothing. I yank it a couple of times even though I feel like my arm is going to come out of its socket. Nothing. So i prime, spray and repeat. This time it starts I move 3 feet listening to my music and dancing and done. Nothing. "damn it!" Pull my arm out of my socket again. nothing. Try one more time with the mower tilted...starts 1 second later. Nothing. "really? What the fudge" So i give it a second to calm down and pull out my handy dany hard core scissors, you know the ones that are good for cutting chicken and hard plastic. I begin to " trim the hedges"( insert crude joke here), which really consists of cutting where ever because I have never attended lawn school. After 20 minutes of spiders, bugs, ungfamiliar noises, and realizing I should just get the real thing hedge clippers, i go back to the mower . I start examining it, (as if I know what to look for) and nothing. I call any guy I think will maybe have an option. noone answers. ofcourse. Then a call back from my old roomate, he tries not to laugh, then suggest bad fuel. So i turn the mower upside down and bleed the primer and gas pours onto my skin..lovely. new gas, new try. Yes it works. One-eighth of the way through, nothing. I beat the mower gently a couple of times and give up. Now I am left with a shafty lawn and a mower i borrowed with no help insite.

Just to let you know, I am the kind of person who thrives on being able to do things myself. I don't like asking for help, i will, but i don't like it. So not being able to mow the lawn is a little more frustrating to me than it should be. I know this. I think being so independent has it's pros and cons...now i find it a little harder. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time finding someone who wants to be with me. Maybe guys feel like they can't do anything for me, so what's the point. Don't get me wrong, i wish I were a princess who was able to request a knight in shining armor. But that fairy tale seems a little silly to me. I have gone so long depending on myself that I don't know how to depend on anyone else, even a man. I worry that my independence is going to falter me in the end. "Lonely woman who can sometimes mow her lawn, and do anything a man can." That's probably what the tabloids will read when I wind up being a 80 year old virgin." Funny.

Incapable of mowing today,

Jaime

how many days later?

I am sorry to say that the everyday posting hasn't gone as well as I hoped. Which is ok considering I haven't quit writing, yet. I have to say that I am very thankful for blog. It is helping me more than I thought. I am impressed by the people who read, as well. I wouldn't have thought that anyone would give a shit about what a virgin at 27 was thinking. Although, writing these makes me laugh at how crazy I really am. Not psycho crazy, but sometimes border line. It's fun.

So I am now back to reality from my vacation to the mormon state where I did a couple of new things and remembered some of the old. Vacations take alot out of me...I always try to do as much as possible which makes me exhausted when I get home. I did learn more about my brother, how strong he is, how he's handling situations that have been presented to him. It makes me proud to know that he's going to be ok, and that he is going to make a good impression on this world. Also I learned, in his drunken state, that he loves me just as much as I do him. ( I know hallmark moment) he told me that i've made him the person he is today and that he loves me more than anything, and also followed with something about style and music. Don't get me wrong, i love talking to people about both of these things, it's just I thought maybe I could have a better influence. Maybe with morals and goals. I will just take what I can. He's so silly.

As far as men in the great salt lake, I have to say I was more impressed with the ones I cam across than I would have thought. There are two that stick out more than the others. One was a friend of my sisters. "unfortunately" I met him when he was drunk. Introductions were said and before my name left my sisters mouth, he had his hands on my shoulders. You know the creepy, touchy guy. Well that was him...he proceeded to start whispering in my ear. what? I wasn't paying attention, I was slowly easing myself towards the ground with my ear falling away from his mouth. I was hoping that he would realized the awkward tilt of my body, with my sister laughing. But no. So I straightened up, a few more wo feely rds were said and then something along the lines of" would you like to f*ck" poured out of his mouth. (and yes, I think he was serious) I warned him about my slapping capabilities then walked away to hide near my big little bother. To be honest I was laughing but it gave me that sick feeling in my stomach when you know something is wrong but can't really react the way you would like to. Apparently no one sent him the memo about sleazy bar talk isn't the greatest way to send of a good impression.

The other guy was much more memorable. I met him at the tattoo shop. When he first came over It felt like my jaw had dropped for a second when he asked if my brother and I had any questions. That just doesn't happen to me, so I was a little put off guard. he was cute and charming in a weird way. It turned out that he knew a friend of mine from high school. Very strange coincidence. We made small talk as I made an appointment for the following day. As i was leaving I invited him to hang out ( which surprised myself). But he had painting to do that night, which was the weirdest blow off, but whatever. As my brother and I were pulling away he called back to give me the shops email and say that he was sorry he couldn't hang, but he really had to work on a painting for his class. Cool deal. I woke up the next morning to realize that he was in my dream. Not fair I say. Not fair at all. ( why do dreams do that, lead you on and then the next thing you know you are waking up to reality.) Well it was a good day, painful but good. We got a chance to talk more about life's lovely jokes...me mowing a lawn in a dress, relationships. Then I said goodbye and that was it. It's unfortunate that he lives in another state, because he was a pretty cool guy, with interesting quirks, like being a vegan and all. bad timing and thousands of miles away. It always seems to get me.

Back for now, Jaime

Day?

I have nothing inventive to say today... I'm enjoying my time in Utah. I went mudding for the first time and never felt so redneck especially after my brother purchased a raccoon hat for me at te gas station... I'm on my way to take some photos in the corn fields so pray thAt I don't get taken by aliens and regret the things they'll do to me.
It's a fuuny thing getting to know people. I feel that I have to more careful the next time. Impretty bad at reading signs, or guys are pretty bad at sending them. I have seemed to offend someone recently and I really don't know what to do about it. He and I shared a con ersation about god and well he just isn't too sure about the big man up stairs, and I respect that. However I accidently sent hi
a " god box" on facebook just another one of those stupid applications that I sent to everyone. He didn't talk to me for a couple of days soni sent him a mesage saying hi sorry if I freaked you out. He responded with no but I don't apprecite the god box thing you sent me. He thought that it wasn't fair for me to try and push god on him. Which made me angry because he hasn't given me the chance to let him know that I could care less about whAt he believes in; just as long as he's not sacrificing animals. I was a little heated when I write him back and my sarcasism might have been too much. He hasn't responded and I don't know what to do about it.. This is a crazy thing to cause someone to be Angry with me... This is why I prefer talking to someone in person or over the phone , they can hear my inflection and laughter, knowing when I am joking or not ... Really???:(

B. Jaime



-- Posted from my iPhone

911 delayed

"while we are waiting for take off I would like to remind you what today is. 8 years ago an event happened that took alot of innocet peoples lives, it changed the way we travel for safer airways. Just remember what's it's all about folks, it's all about our freedom." this is what the flight attendent said after we got settled in with our seatbelt fastened. Nevermind the lack of sleep I received last night, to me I don't think that scaring the hell of of the passangers is a good way to start the 3 1/2 hour plane ride. But then again I could be wrong.

Due to the lack of I-phone capabilities when you're a billion feet in the air, I have resorted to the sky mall mag , with the lovely ambience of the engine( becAuse I forgot to load my iTunes onto my phone !!!) I have decided to share a few of my top items to be purchased.




2. Lawn aerator sandals
26 1 1/2in. Steel spikes to help you have a healthier lawn. Personally when I see this it looks more like something Jason statham would use to beat the shit out of someone while he's gardening. For a mere $12.99 you can simply stab someone in the face with a good high kick preventing them from ever seeing again... 2 thumps up!!!!





3.16th century Italian armor statue with halberd
in case you need to feel a little more safe in your home you can by this strapping 7ft tall statue for only $1050.00 including shipping and handling.. According to the catalog it is " fit for a king", so if you want to feel like royalty you can... Also great for a coat hanger.





4. The zombie of Montclair moors statue
Yep that's right, a lovely life size decorative piece good for " an office, or family room corner" also if you want people can think you're f@cking crazy.






5. Bigfoot the garden yetti sculpture
Wow my friends with this enchanting scultpture you can impress your friends with your love for the outdoors. And if you were thinking of creating a one to match be careful becAuse the name is copy written.




6. The slanket
Which looks damn close to the snuggie. Why people?! Why? It's bad enough here is one version, now we are mass marketing this rediculous product.

So it is safe to say, I will have to take out a small loan for $3,000 to buy my items from skymall. Hopefully I will qualify due to the tough economy. Whatever will I do if I can't have my suit of armor and eye gouging shoes. Maybe I could set up a payroll account for others to donate- I think it's a good cause don't you?

Jaime

Day 7 Sleep

I have been completely unproductive today. It started with my 1:30 wake up time, which I am almost ashamed to admit. I would like to blame it on the dream I was having. it's not the first time... which is the frustrating thing about it. I am in different situations and different locations, but the same problem keeps happening. I am trying to walk and do normal things, depending on who I am with or where I am , and I can't move like I want to . It's a horrible feeling that places itself on me. It's as if I have an adhesive stuck to my feet and I can't move unless I put all of my effort into it. It's almost like my knees wont bend and my balance is completely off. In last nights dream I was at a show and people just kept staring at me, thinking I was drunk. I am pretty sure this sounds ridiculous, but it's traumatizing in a way, and it always lasts the entire day after I wake up. I really wish I knew what my subconscious was trying to tell me. I also wish I could just record my dreams to a disk , to watch over and over, so I could analyze what they mean .

As for the rest of my life. I am completely excited to be going back to Utah. for the record I am not mormon. I used to live there because my dad got stationed there when he was in the, and it just so happens that my airforce brother followed his footsteps and is working on the same base that we grew up on. It's been a good ten years since I have returned. So many memories, I can't wait to rehash. Friends to meet again, see how they've changed. Maybe I could find someone to have sex with while I am at it. I mean, it wouldn't be a random stranger, because technically I have known my friends there for at least 13 years. I think it's a brilliant idea, but chances are I won't follow through. Mostly all of them have families of their own and kids to continue their blood lines. It would be a good story...funny.

And on a random side note, I just found out if I hit option and letters on my keyboard I get this œ∑´®†¥¨ˆøπ“‘«ææ…¬˚∆˙©ƒ∂ßåΩ≈ç√∫˜µ≤≥÷÷ ¡™£¢∞§¶§¶•º– so apparently if I want to do a calculus math problem I could do with the correct symbols...interesting.

Until tomorrow....Jaime

Day 6 Just another day

Today was interesting in certain ways, but definitely not one for the record books. I got to sleep in, hallelujah, but minutes after I woke up people starting arriving to the house. It was salon da' Steph... It was quite interesting watching the living room turn into a chemical palooza. I'm glad she's beginning to grow a group of clients, I enjoy watching my friends grow. As for the rest of the day, I went to see a movie not worth recommending, the time traveler's wife, i'm usually able to get into movies, but this one was just ehh...I don't know exactly why but I have a feeling that it's because I read the book. As me and kimber were leaving the theater I texted a friend to see if she would pick up a run shift for me. Seconds later I get a phone call from some guy asking who this is, and wondering when I wanted to go for a run. I could hear is friend laughing in the background as soon as he told him he was talking to a girl. Then I cleared up the misunderstanding and asked me if I wanted to go to dinner instead of work tomorrow, and then the conversation ended. I couldn't believe that I just got out by a random wrong number, who does that? I could have been some creepy woman trying to take advantage of men by drugging them and leaving them for dead in the middle of no where. Which gets me wondering, why is it that men really never have to worry about being raped or harassed.. i'm sure there could be a worry about being robbed, but i wonder if it even crosses their minds when they are walking by themselves when the sun goes down. I wonder what it is that men are really afraid of.

I have always worried about them being afraid of me, well i suppose afraid isn't the correct word. Maybe, scared. Well over the years I have had a couple of different experiences with guys involving my virginity, it seems that everyone of them handles the "situation" differently. Some respect it, some get turned on,to some "it's not a big deal" or some run. I always come across the ones who respect it, and the dirt bags that lick their lips at it, it's the other two that are a rarity. "it's not a big deal" always turns out to be more a big deal than they thought. And when they run it's even more frustrating.I think they start thinking about the possibility of them being my first and they get freaked! They create all these scenarios of how it could go down and start feeling some unnecessary pressure, which is always ridiculous. I don't have anything to go on, there really isn't a way of me telling it he's doing something wrong, unless its really wrong. I would like to think that through other things I would be able to tell if it was going good or bad. I would hate to lose a chance of having a good lasting relationship with someone because they were afraid of what could happen. ahhh it's very tricky.

Jaime

Day 4 ( a little late) The call back

Honestly I couldn't believe it myself, but yesterday afternoon I received a lovely little text message from the 5th grade antics table. I know, very interesting...His name shall be known to you ass george, not very original, but I was thinking that I should probably respect everyone and switch their names around just incase of privacy issues. All I need is a lawsuit against me for inappropriate slander.

Back to the george. He wanted to meet up for a drink. So many things run through my head, first, I'm not much of a drinker. Those of you who know me, have realized this through a series of either sick day afters, or embarrassing truths that pour out of me with the consumption of alcohol. I decided that I shouldn't slap the idea away and try something normal for a change. However, the thought of "the game" did come into my head. You know, should i say I am busy, I don't want to appear to be too eager, but than I realized that I don't like twisting around in circles trying to figure out how to make my next move. After all we are all human, I feel open thoughts are the best policy. (Which probably get me into trouble, more than I would like to admit.) So it was agreed for a drink, I let him pick the place and he chose this classy bar called Whiskey lou's. By classy I mean, cigarette filled, elvis' life-sized statue standing in the middle of the blues brother across for 2 pool tables and a neon sign on the wall reading something about mullets with 1rst season homer simpson lit up in yellow. Which was fine with me, I always love the eclectic casual atmosphere. He asked if 11:30 was past my bedtime and I have to admit that I paused for a second, wondering why the hell so late. He said he would be home from work , which was understandable. But who gets off of work that late on a sunday night, besides me and my co-workers. Could he work at the mill, or maybe catching the working on obt catching the church people on their way homes. But I just ran with it.

On a side note....

In the process of figuring out details, I was making dinner with a friend, and went to take the trash out. On my way back inside, I hear a hello from the dark lit house next to mine. Neighbors I have yet to know exist. A woman comes out of the shadows with the warming smile and lovely long black hair, an art feel to her. She introduces herself and we start talking about the house and how she once had her great adopted grandparents living here, next to her sisters house. I asked her if she wanted to take a look around, because she has already mentioned the painted office, she had seen the day before.( when she says this I imagine her and her sister, two woman in their 40's peeping into my house through the window_ giggle worthy) She took a tour helped me pick out paint colors, filled me in with history of the house. It turns out that she works for a local gallery and has a ton of connections. How fabulous is that!!!! I am extremely excited at the possibility of having my photography out there for the world to see. Yay...

Back to the pressing matter at hand. So as I am waiting to meet up with the george. I get a beer and take a seat at the bar next to a couple of drunk people talking about love... How i love drunk people talking about serious matters, life changing events and how they don't know how it came to this point. If you ever are bored and would like a bit of real life entertainment I would suggest grabbing a beer at a local bar and just listening to the conversations people have. It's priceless, well the price of a couple beers at least.

So a couple of minutes go by and I see him across the bar and wave. I sit there for a second and realize there is someone familiar standing next to him and as I slightly cock my head to the side I realize that yes I know him. It seems he has brought his father from the night before with him. Yes I know, i couldn't believe it myself, so I laugh a little out loud and try to contain myself as I say hello to the george. He first states, I hope it's ok that I brought my dad along, he's only in town for a week and I haven't seen him in a while. ( A little strange I know, but honestly I don't know why I am surprised, due to the crazy nature my life entails. ) I smile and say no problem. So there we are me, the george and his dad sitting at a table with a beer in hand...what to say first?

I start with the obvious, so what to do you do? He does have a normal job, working audio for one of the local theme parks. Which is good to hear. His father is retired military so we hit it of right away, being that I got to experience the "military brat" life style growing up. A little bit of this and a little bit of that conversation... with very little silence in between. Because nothing is worse than the awkward silence shared between someone you just met. I felt as if I were almost putting on a show, there is always a little bit of pressure involved meeting someone for the first time, and of course I felt added pressure already meeting family. I have problems being too honest, and I had to hold back some because I didn't want to be to abrasive in front of the george's father. ( I just kept thinking, who does this happen to? Surely no one I have ever met has had to do this, why can't my life be a little normal?) Oh, so instead of wracking my brain for what to say and not to say I suggested a game of pool, which I lost, but enjoyed. Then the two played a game of pushing to balls around the table. It was interesting, for them not spending alot of time together while the george was growing up, they played pool the exact same way which consisted of forceful hitting of the cue to get the balls where they wanted to go. By the time their game was over the bar was closing. So the gentlemen went to the bathroom. While I was standing there waiting trying to process the night's events, the waitress came up to me and started up a conversation. She wanted to let me know that the older gentleman that I was with was quite attractive.I replied with " is that so?" She then said" I tried to get his attention by waving to him, but you know, the men of my era aren't used to woman be so assertive." I laughed," I know, my generation can just walk up to a guy and slap their ass and they know what we want". I don't know if she understood the sarcasm of the statement I made which made me laugh a little harder. As the guys come over she whispers in my ear" you feel free to let him know how I feel before you leave." The father says that " the george had to take a picture of the prophylactic machine", I said " the condom machine"( of course not realizing I was talking to a father figure.) It read" For refund insert baby here" random I know, but funny. I let the father know of the interest of the waitress and he wasn't surprised. It was so nonchalant, he said he knew that and let's get out of here. It's not everyday you see an older man flee from a flushed waitress. I decide to drive the george and his father home the 3 blocks because the thought of them getting taken advantage of my the night's streets is overwhelming. We stop in front of his house and his dad asks for the keys to the house, trying to leave us with a alone goodbye, which we both knew. Although his slick exit was stopped by the locked doors and struggling to get out. I went to open the door for him and he finally freed himself. Along with the comment from the george" do you need a wheelchair dad?" So as we sit there for a second alone...he asks me to if I want to come in, and I say what the hell. As long as you have scrabble.( which i now understand the comment, wishing i could take it back, scrabble? really?) He does begin to look at his games in the next room , which all sound like child's games, confused I walk over to see a bed with pink polka dots and a fuzzy life sized pony in the corner. Then he mentions they're his daughters games as if I knew he had a daughter. ( I have to admit it took me a second to comprehend. He never mentioned he had a daughter, maybe it was inappropriate for bar talk, but ok. I just brushed it off with a hmm.) I looked at the photos of her on the wall and was taken back. She's beautiful, it was a different side to him, it change the factors, in a good way. I suppose dating people my age, I am going to run into children along the way, so I am ok with that. Though she was beautiful, I wanted to take photos of her then and there.

So without a game to play the father puts in a movie, aliens 2. I laughed, with of course. I haven't seen that movie in ages, not even sure If I have seen it due to the 4 series collection, as if 1 alien wasn't enough. So we watched the father went to bed and if was chill. After the movie was over, i said goodbye without any action. I have to be a lady now, even if I wanted to do plenty more. I'll talk to you later. As i am leaving I read the time on my clock and realize, it's 5:50...goodness, it's insane that I keep finding these guys that keep me up until dawn.

Needless to say I had a good time with the first encounter of the george and his father. I'm sure this shall be an interesting relationship, whether we are just friends or not. It's been very entertaining thus far.

jaime

Day 3 5th grade antics

Ok, so today was a long day of waiting tables and would you like another refill sir. I thought I would be in the safe zone from making any embarrassing actions, apparently I forgot that they follow me everywhere. So the sum of it is...I'm at standing at one our computer stations ringing in an order and I glance across the dining room and see an attractive guy sitting across from another man. Of-course, my first thought is that he prefers men, not sure why...maybe it is because most of the good looking guys turn out that way, for me at least. So out of curiosity I ask the server who is taking care of them , what his status is..moments later he returns saying he just asked the guy if he was straight and single..Just like that. He replied with a yes. and yes. Now normally it would have just been done, then and there. I don't know, that's just what i do sometimes, wonder and when I find the answer it's more like a hmm...good to know, because in situations like this, work situations, I just would rather leave it at that. Apparently my friend didn't think so and out of his best intentions let the guy know that he had an admirer. I wouldn't have considered it that, maybe if he worded it a little differently things would have been easier. Of course the guy had to be curious and asked who it was.

Let me just say that this isn't normally how I handle things, well lately anyways. If I were out and about I would be able to do all the work for myself, I like to think that I have more courage than the way I acted.

After time passed he finally let him know it was me and of course, I felt flush with embarrassment. I have to walk by this table to check on mine, so I resume to head down walk fast with not a care in the world, as nonchalant as possible. I almost felt as if I were putting on a show,- minus the tap dancing and final chorus. ooohhhh, not to mention he was sitting with his father, who was encouraging this escapade. Neither of us were bold enough to walk up to the other person, and all the outsiders watching have their own opinions. You should do this, or that. I honestly just wanted to take back the curious little question I had asked, and refrain from making an ass out of myself to a stranger I will probably never see again.

I'm sorry I know this a ridiculously long story. But it felt worse in my shoes when it was happening. In the end, I was given one last chance to say something as the check was being dropped, and I pussied out. I ran over different scenarios in my head and none of them were witty enough for me to take into action. So I proceeded to write him a note...I know WTF. It read," Hello, I am sorry for the 5th grade antics, it has been a long day and my comfort level pushed, if you would like to have a cup of coffee call me,***-***-****, Jaime" Yes folks, that's right, i wrote a not to a guy I thought was cute. I have seemed to of forgotten my age. All I can say is jas;odfijsd;oijd;sgh uas fs;dijf shadg o;ew/.really? alskjfd.

I don't even think I acted this way when i was in 5th grade. I mean I might as well put a couple of boxes on the bottom for him to check yes or no to. This my friends is why I have found myself in my predicament at my age. Oh well, it is what it is. Just promise me that none of you will follow the things that took place tonight. Just man up because I couldn't.

That is all for tonight. Forgive me. Jaime

Day 2 Breast Cancer Walk

I have been appointed by my managers at work to raise money and get people to walk for Breast Cancer. I was a little shocked at first, I haven't done anything like this before. The closest thing I have come to raising money was when I was 11 and selling cookies for the girl scouts, but even that was short lived. I went to camp and became very ill and had to be rushed to the hospital for dehydration purposes. So as you can see I was a little weary about the thought of being in charge of an entire restaurants skills to raise money for researching a horrible cancer that has plagued many women. Now, I look at it with a little excitement, it's definitely a challenge and I feel that I am up for it. So we shall see. If any of you would like to donate you can on my facebook page.... www.facebook.com/jstriby

Now for the lovely dating? life? Yesterday I was standing in line at target waiting to purchase the random items I always find in target, (why is it I always spend so much money in that store?) and I couldn't help notice this couple in front of me molesting each other in the line. Really? I think of target as a family store and yet there are people who find there cheap thrill of loving each other in public. Hand in back pocket, slowly rubbing of the ass. Slow kissing, oh how it makes me squirm. I couldn't just walk to another line, due to the limited amount which had people lined up. I wish sometimes that I had a video camera fused to my head so I could show people what I am talking about when need be. That point of the story really is that as sad as it may be, that was the closest I got to any action yesterday.

Day 1

I am not exactly sure how to start writing the details of my life to perfect strangers. This all seems a little nerve wracking and intriguing at the same time.

In start, I should probably bring you up to date with a few details of my life. I am in a time where everything seems to be starting fresh, which is a nice feeling. I feel this will help me advance in the direction I am meant to be, even if I don't know where that is. I am 27 and have yet to experience a lasting relationship, including the status of a "boyfriend". This means that I have yet to have sex, do to my feelings towards God and not wanting to add to the stories of first time horrors. I am not sure how I got this far. I feel as if I have been watching the world around me for years, and living my romantic needs through other people's lives. Now for the first time in a long time I am working on experiencing things for myself, firsts, if you will. I am going to work on finding my place, which many people do at this age, or perhaps I am behind the crowd. I figure there is always a chance to start something new, no matter the age.

I don't want anyone to think that my lack of relationship status is the only thing that I think about. I have other thoughts...probably too many other thoughts. I am working on photography, writing, film, helping others in my own way, as well as, many others. I also must say that I have a tendency of not sticking to the subject and run off on random tangents. I hope that this doesn't confuse anyone. I write as I think, and it never appears to be clear. As long as it makes sense to me I say it.

I am not sure if I will be able to keep up with the daily posts, but it shall be the first goal I will make for myself.

I , (jaime), will do my best to keep writing to the eternal space of the world wide web everyday for as long as it takes. (Meaning that I could possibly be writing everyday for the rest of my life... wow, that is intense.) I will speak the truth as I know it and try to work on myself in the process.

Not really a great written goal, but it is a start.

Also I would like to apologize for my lack of grammar skills. I tend to get them all confused and I apologize to those of you who twitch at the sight of a miss placed semi colon. Thank the lord for spell check.

Have the best of days, for they are endless if you let them...