Expecting less

How did I find myself here? Waiting again for something to pass, this unknown haunting of whAt could be. What will happen with our future? I want to be patient but unsaid word make me uneasy. I've never wanted much, maybe this is where my problems begin. A life of normal with a little happy sprinkled in- a love that could bloom into forever. A work that makes me useful and creative, accomplished. As i sit here with a cigarette in hand I am reminded that my lack if commitment to myself is ever so clear. Determination has slowed down with my yearning for more. Settling for what is fact is most likely the better option, leaving the clouds for others to fill their heads. Here and now i am here. With my feet on the ground hoping for more yet expecting less.


-- Posted from my iPhone

I was thinking the other day about how I haven't been able to write about you. I haven't taken the time to tell the world what lies beneath you. now all I have is time to think-I'm trying to to write you away by paying attention to the details as i scrape every bit of paint off the floor. The beautiful things you would say to me even if I didn't believe. The air is filled with silence in this empty house the dog even lies still patiently waiting for something to happen. The key left on the counter shouts at me, you're all alone. This time wasn't your time. I don't want to move but things need to be done, the painted room needs cleaned. The laundry folded. Placement of everything I now have put on the shelves that no longer exist. Love is a funny thing when you let it happen to you. If your not careful it will snap you in two. Different than the others you were. Butterflies are no longer flying as they call to the floor where I lay my head listening to the wood beneath me. This empty room will not talk back. The tears I will fight back, as I pick up the broom and pay attention to the dust that needs sweeping on the floor.


-- Posted from my iPhone

Goodbye my love

I can't be with the one I love anymore, he is now gone from my arms. There will be nomore late night talks and early morning holds. He will no longer be there to protect me from what I can take care of myself. My surprises around the corner have faded into the distance. It hurts, it hurts, I can barely breAthe and I know the sobs will come to an end.. The memories filled in idol object will remAin reminding me of the amazing man that I loved even if he didn't know how to love himself. Who will look out for him now and tell him they love him.. Something neither of us wanted we said goodbye with tear filled eyes and silence knowing this would be the last time we held each other. The key left on the counter solidifying the inevitAble. It was a great everything to my life, my heart. Loving someone isn't alwAys enough. Outside circumstance has taken over yet again, he has to abide by his rules and I had to let him go. I can no longer let him sacrifice his beliefs for a girl who might not know. Thing at all, no matter her passion for God...it doesn't matter that I feel we were in the right place. We gave each other something I will always remember. He has to grow on his own, and I pray he find his way. The path to his ultimate happiness. Did I just give up the most amazing thing I have known, yes. Was it it the right the to do, I don't know. I only hope that I could help him see the amazing man he is. The one he hasn't found yet, the one no one let's him know. I tell you I love you and days later let you go. So now a rest for a moment lying on the ground, paint in my hair, air coming back into my lungs. It will be ok I'm sure the world will whisper, noone will ever know the moments we had you and I . So now I must bid you ado, a Solom farewell and a gracious goodbye.


Sent from my iPhone


-- Posted from my iPhone