One day last June.

As some of you know, last summer I went to Alaska to explore a piece of the world that I haven't dared to touch. I was supposed to keep everyone up to date with all the happenings, and of course, I failed to do that much. I never realized how much of my time would be spent on that train, wrapped up in a community of strangers trying to make it through the day. Well today January 23rd I came across something I wrote on an early ship day, on a bus at 4:30 in the morning where everyone around me was sleeping, I wrote.

Oh Alaska, how you've taken me into your arms to keep me warm with the 

beauty you present for me. Your icy mountains tops full of snow melting into

 water falls filling the lakes with fresh drinking water. Every twist of the road hugging

 the hips of your cliffs sends me into a cerebral shock letting me know, as if

 I had never seen it, what true beauty is Lucky am I to have found your charms. 

Yet, I know that beneath your cover lies an unknown danger. A danger of the

 land which sometimes brings you in with its glory and sucks you 

up leaving you left for dead. This land is clever and knows how to survive the

 outside threat of on comers. It has to fight to stay alive and remain intact, as if it 

never aged. I bow my head in respect to you, in awe and appreciation

of what you have to offer. Thank you for accepting me as I am Alaska....

forever a piece of you will remain in my heart.

Alright so that what it. We got off the bus and onto the train to pick up the oh so happy passengers from the cruise ship....... later that day we dropped them off in Denali just as planned. Just to let everyone know, after we drop people off in Denali we ride the train about 30 minutes north and get off for the night and get bused back home the next day to Anchorage. Well this day was just like any other, except it wasn't. Everyone was cleaning and doing their end of day things when the train suddenly stopped. "The train stops for many reasons", at least that's what we tell the guests. We were along the cliffs on the left side of a large river where rafters try to stay afloat and full fill their adrenaline rush. I honestly thought that maybe there were mountain goats hanging out and the conductor thought it would be nice to see them in their atmosphere. So me and my coworkers started searching the mountain side and came up empty. Then I realized that there weren't any passengers aboard so that wouldn't be a reason to stop. Someone walked by and said something about there being a rock slide up ahead. "yeah that's funny", I thought to myself trying not to panic. So we all met up to confirm the story with the on board manager, who was clutching to the hand radio trying to find out from the conductor what was going on. My fear was confirmed. So i moved to the front of the train to try and catch a glimpse of the occurrence which for some reason I never thought about happening. We were stuck for hours. I watch as this man road a small bobcat move towards the heap of rocks on the train tracks begin to shovel our way to freedom a few rocks at a time. As he is teetering on the edge, I almost couldn't look, rocks continued to fall on the tin roof, making the effort almost impossible.  I don't remember every detail but I do remember wish I had my anxiety medicine in my reach, because if there was ever I time I needed it, it was then. In order to keep my mind from the current happenings, I decided that everyone should get together and sing Happy Birthday to Todd, what a birthday huh.... Moments later we all went to the very back platform to watch as we backed out to safety. The conductor had finally decided to drop us off in Denali. So as all began to feel the nerves running out of the sides of the train, it happened once again. The conductor yelled "Stop, Stop!" over the radio. We all looked to see another rock slide stopping our freedom. So here we are on a train, on the edge of a cliff, stuck in between to rocks slides. This is not what I signed up for. 

Another hour passed. I looked over the edge of the train down to the frigid water and wondered if I could swim the rapid or if the cold water would just swallow me whole. I played out all the possibilities that could happen, probably not the best thing to do. Then I remember the little note I wrote to Alaska earlier that morning and chuckled. Of course. I don't know how much time passed but finally the man in the little bobcat managed to dig us out of the mess we were in, and when I took those steps off  the train onto the uneven rock filled dirt, I was happy to be alive. 

http://youtu.be/7-XeFsw6Dmc

Another two weeks....life is good!!

Oh my goodness, the last two weeks have flown by with a bag of exhaustion worn on it's back. I am not sure were to begin... I wrote a little something for Alaska, nothing too poetic, just felt like on my 5 a.m. hour long bus ride to Wittier.

Oh, Alaska how you've taken me into your arms to keep me with with the beauty you present for me. Your icy mountain tops are covered into snow trying to hang on to it's very existence as it melts into various shades of waterfalls filling the lakes with fresh drinking water. Every twist of the roads hugging the hips of your mountains sends me into a cerebral shock letting me know, as if I've never seen it, what true beauty is. Lucky am I to have found your charm, Yet I know that beneath your brilliant cover lies an unknown danger of the land. The land which sometimes brings you in with it's glory and sucks you up leaving you left for dead. This land is clever and knows how to survive the outside threat of oncomers. It has to fight to stay alive and remain intact as if it never aged. I bow my head in respect to you, in awe and appreciation of what you have to offer, Thank you for accepting me as I am Alaska. In a world where acceptance is all to small. Forever a piece of you will be in my heart. 


 Well the bus ride was followed by a ten hour train ride making sure the guest had an enjoyable taste of Alaska. After we dropped them off in Denali we made our way up to Healy about 30 minutes away and among the cleanup we came to a stop. Now I don't know if anyone of you has ever ridden a train, but it's stops for many a reason, to drop someone off in the middle of nowhere to survive in the wilderness, brake lines need checking, wildlife to be seen.. So after a couple of moments of sitting I decided to see if maybe the conductor saw some Dall sheep that we could take admire upon. After searching the rocky mountain sides, i realized that there weren't any guests on board therefore no reason to stop, so I knew something was off. Moments later I found out that there just happened to be a rock slide in front of the train, which I suppose happens from time to time, i just never really had the chance to think about it happening to me. We couldn't back up the train for some reason and just had to sit there and wait. Finally there was a sign of release for the cliffs of the mountain when a small bobcat wheeled its way up to the slide and started removing the debres, a scoop of rocks at a time. Unfortunately we could hear over the radio that the rocks were still falling and warning the man in the yellow machinery to watch out. It was pretty surreal to watch this man balance on the tracks as he shoveled our way to freedom, as rocks hit the top of his little vehicle. Finally 2 hours later we were beginning to back our way to Denali and while sitting on the caboose we watched as we crept away fro the danger zone. Suddenly again we hear over the walky that there was another rock slide.." STOP ! STOP! WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE!", and low and behold the limbs of a dead tree and rocks were again in our way. I watched as heaps of rock fell to the tracks along with my stomach. We were stuck in between two slides on the cliff of a mountain that only a few feet kept us from the rapid river down below. Every found as way to remain calm but there was a subtle panic in the air. Thoughts kept sifting through my head about the various options that could take place in the next moments. So I prayed silently to myself that we could return safe while others talked nonchalantly of the events in their lives. Then I remembered that little piece of paper that I scratched down thoughts on earlier in the morning and laughed a little. It was true, no matter how beauty something is, there is always a possibility of danger followed behind. Needless to say, being that I am writing to you now, we made it through 4 hours later than scheduled, but we made it through.

    And that was just one day, ha ha ha. I tell you what, this job is tough and easy all in the same instance.You have to always be on the edge of your seat waiting for the unexpected to happen. I just got back from a run where I thought was going to Fairbanks and a large hand full of us ended up back in Denali. We met up back with the rest of the crew last night to hear how well they did, and how much money was made, and after a long day of making no money I was slightly frustrated. Then I quickly remembered the night before, and I wouldn't have taken the money to give up the experience.

When we all got to Denali, a group of us went to grab a bite to eat at the 49th state bar. Which considering the population of the city and lack of people, was a very very tasty bite to eat. We then walked down the road to the Totum, and some played pool, but I my friends discovered the game of shuffle board. It is such a simple game, but so enjoyable and challenging at the same time. The Totum also has this lovely little trinkets to offer which consists of a mechanical bear.Much like a bull, but I am pretty sure that this bear was once alive. It was covered in fur so real it sent a chill down my spine, and the face was on point with it's grizzly nature. I have to admit it was tempting to mount up and try it on for size but after watching a co-worker ride the bear, I quickly turned my head on the idea. She grabbed on with one hand as she held the other in the air, then the sexual tension amongst the bar patrons grew as she slowly rode the bear, she help on for an impressive 56 seconds before she was slung onto the inflatable bounce pad. I just know that there wasn't alcohol in my system to endure the ride. Ha so many inside jokes with that sentence....
   
   After the totum we began a hike to a bonfire place I've heard so much about and still wasn't sure what exactly to expect. It was beautiful a beautiful 15 minute walk to the site, houses hidden behind the trees, horses walking through their fenced land and of course the mosquitos taking every chance to suck on my fair skin, which hurt like a small bee sting each time. but as the trees opened up their in front of me was a vast dried up river bed. We walked a minute more to arrive to a smoked out fire pit left for dead. As the others began to rekindle it's fire I walked to the sound of running water by myself. I walked my way through the bed full of every kind of rock that Alaska had to offer and as I approached the water a sudden peace filled by body. There I was in the middle of this beautiful landscape where I was standing once was full of rushing water. There were about four small streams flowing along side each other cut up from the variation of land all flowing in the same direction towards a giant scape of mountains. I couldn't believe that I was there in this hidden landscape. I sat down and thanked God for his beauty once again. The sound of the water running along side me and the sight, well, I was filled with thousands of emotions coming from every direction. I really am not sure how to explain the experience in words, it was almost outer body. I thought about a lot of things in those minutes, how I got here, my family and friends and where I was going. I realized then that what I had been thinking was true," I am here in Alaska, miles from home, for a reason." " In this moment I am truly happy, I am truly alive!".
    After a couple of torched marshmallows it was time to head back, although the sun still lingering in  the sky contradicted even time. It was on that walk back to slumber,down a dirt filled road, that I found butterflies again that I haven't felt in a long while, it was exciting and frightening at the same time. But I pushed on and made it to my night's home in time to have a 5 hour sleep.

   So the unexpected was worth it, it doesn't matter how much money I make here, as long as I continue to find moments like the last. I am finally at ease with my placement in life. The future is sure to come and I might not know what in entails, but I don't need to know. As long as life keeps offering me the beautiful experiences I am sure I will find my way......
 
I love and miss you all, and hope that you get a chance to take advantage of the world's offerings as I have.

first actually train run

On my own

Swallowed up by the silence surrounding my heart. My biggest fears ring loud in my ears making it unbearable for me to even open my eyes to the future. I am crumbling into this void that I fought hard to run from. Another city, another day, and I am still awake staring at myself in the mirror trying to grasp the happiness that I was filled my lungs with. I take a step into the future and my past takes two more, holding onto every inch of fabric tearing holes in the clothes that comfort me and keep me warm. Miles away and still today I think of what we had and how shattered it all became in just an instance. I can pry my eyes open and see what I couldn't see before although the light is harsh on my sight. I had hoped for so much dancing in the rain with you, until the rain filled up the small room of reality and flooded my dreams of having an ever after. Now I have time to think, time to reflect on where I was and where I have come. I will carry you where ever my steps take me, but as time goes you grow lighter, and become much smaller than you were when I first layed eyes on you. The cold wind pushes through me, but my coat shall keep me warm and this hat might tossle my hair but I am ok with that. I am grown admist the change, I shall appreciate each day I have and know that what I thought we had might have been just that, for now I know that this is where I am meant to be, these hills might be large but it is the mountains that I will conquer on my own...on my own.

First Train Run

So I have started to settle in, it is beautiful here. Here are some photos from my first train run.

A week in!

I tell you what, if you ever want to learn about yourself- pack your bags and move to another city with people you barely know and get a job working on a train.
This week has been one of the most challenging in a while, well I'd say after England a couple of months. I honestly dont know how I am managing to still be standing ( actually lying in my lovely blow up bed. The first day of training was a breeze. There was a sense if excited nervousness floating around the room as we all listened to the managers try to cram as much knowledge in out heads as possible. Starting a new job is always a lot to take in, never mind the fact that the 8 of us were temporarily homeless. Between the 8 of us we've learned a lot about what we capable of, and it's quite refreshing. Considering the past 3 days have consisted of going to bed hopefully before 12 waking up at 6 going to training and then trying to make this house a home and then doing it all over again the next day. It's as if We are all tethered together by imaginary strings , where 1 goes most have to, doing this 24/7 cam cause some strain and believe me it has, but it's about give and take and it's nice to know that we all have each other in the long run.
I have to say that I didn't think I was going to make it today- my body and mind were pulling me down hard as the minutes went passed 7. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it, my anxiety was taking over and telling me things I didn't want to here." you're crazy for doing this, you're never going to make it, your out of your comfort zone" I honestly wanted to cry as I sat there listening to someone talk about team work and .... Well I was too close to walking out as they began to play a video on bacteria and I started becoming nauseous, it was surreal. I couldn't get comfortable in my auditorium seat, I wanted to scream. Somehow I managed to get control of myself and stick it out and an hour later I was fine. The mind is a tricky thing that I hope nobody takes for granted, it's capable if crippling me in an instant and it scares the shot out of me. But I have to keep moving forward. Since the beginning of the year I have been able to maintain myself( for the most part) without any medication and I'm damn proud of myself for it.
Now the only thing weighing on me is the first run, the test to see if I can make it through the ling hours and still manage to keep a smile on my face. I'm a good server I just hope I can be one for 13 hours straight. Well friends until we meet again... Peace and love - Jaime