alone

I am sitting alone at 12:49 with my car in park. The music turned down and a cigar in hand. All I have thought about the last few days isn't the first time I have tried to push through this road block in my life. The everlasting wish for someone to see me is on my mind underneath this past full moon. I cansee myself in the rear view mirror but there is nothing behind me and noone beside me. The daunting question " is this how I am meant to be?". .. "will I always hold this weight of noone to hold me?" surely I would have hoped that over time I would just push through and understand that it isn't my time to be loved and even though I witness those around me finding their person to hold hands wit, I shouldn't be discouraged and yet I can't help but be so. I am sad in this moment of my life, it is nothing disasterous, it is just so. I am not saying that tomorrow will change my heart, but now in this car alone in the dark I feel just that... Alone.

Ofcourse it turned out this way

I have missed the mark yet again, before I can find myself floating on happiness my choices on who I choose to have faith in deflate the possibility of love And let it fall to the ground sinking so slow that the reminder continuously slaps me in the face with an " I told you so". Shattered tears cause me to wonder if the hope that I push is fading away each time I am reminded that hope doesn't neccesarily make a fact for my happiness. I've wanted so badly my entire life to have someone to share the new memories with and explore the possibilities this world has to offer. You have to of wanted something so badly it hurts, add a thousand times to that and you might get a glimpse of how I feel everyday with this weight on my shoulders telling me" you are never going to be able to have a normal love in your life" " noone will ever be able to see you for what you are and understand the reason for your existence" I'm sure this all sounds a little out of place but trust me when I say that I truely do not believe that love from another will find it's way to my door, it shall pass over and touch all of those around me. And maybe if I except my fate now, I will keep myself from the pain of getting hurt more than a person deserves. Jaime

quitting