A week in!

I tell you what, if you ever want to learn about yourself- pack your bags and move to another city with people you barely know and get a job working on a train.
This week has been one of the most challenging in a while, well I'd say after England a couple of months. I honestly dont know how I am managing to still be standing ( actually lying in my lovely blow up bed. The first day of training was a breeze. There was a sense if excited nervousness floating around the room as we all listened to the managers try to cram as much knowledge in out heads as possible. Starting a new job is always a lot to take in, never mind the fact that the 8 of us were temporarily homeless. Between the 8 of us we've learned a lot about what we capable of, and it's quite refreshing. Considering the past 3 days have consisted of going to bed hopefully before 12 waking up at 6 going to training and then trying to make this house a home and then doing it all over again the next day. It's as if We are all tethered together by imaginary strings , where 1 goes most have to, doing this 24/7 cam cause some strain and believe me it has, but it's about give and take and it's nice to know that we all have each other in the long run.
I have to say that I didn't think I was going to make it today- my body and mind were pulling me down hard as the minutes went passed 7. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it, my anxiety was taking over and telling me things I didn't want to here." you're crazy for doing this, you're never going to make it, your out of your comfort zone" I honestly wanted to cry as I sat there listening to someone talk about team work and .... Well I was too close to walking out as they began to play a video on bacteria and I started becoming nauseous, it was surreal. I couldn't get comfortable in my auditorium seat, I wanted to scream. Somehow I managed to get control of myself and stick it out and an hour later I was fine. The mind is a tricky thing that I hope nobody takes for granted, it's capable if crippling me in an instant and it scares the shot out of me. But I have to keep moving forward. Since the beginning of the year I have been able to maintain myself( for the most part) without any medication and I'm damn proud of myself for it.
Now the only thing weighing on me is the first run, the test to see if I can make it through the ling hours and still manage to keep a smile on my face. I'm a good server I just hope I can be one for 13 hours straight. Well friends until we meet again... Peace and love - Jaime