alone

I am sitting alone at 12:49 with my car in park. The music turned down and a cigar in hand. All I have thought about the last few days isn't the first time I have tried to push through this road block in my life. The everlasting wish for someone to see me is on my mind underneath this past full moon. I cansee myself in the rear view mirror but there is nothing behind me and noone beside me. The daunting question " is this how I am meant to be?". .. "will I always hold this weight of noone to hold me?" surely I would have hoped that over time I would just push through and understand that it isn't my time to be loved and even though I witness those around me finding their person to hold hands wit, I shouldn't be discouraged and yet I can't help but be so. I am sad in this moment of my life, it is nothing disasterous, it is just so. I am not saying that tomorrow will change my heart, but now in this car alone in the dark I feel just that... Alone.