Goodbyes

I have moved around quite a few times in my life, due to my dad being in the airforce. There have been alot of lost friends and tears shed for knowing that you will never see them again. I always think or possibly say that I will see them again, but as I get older I realize that deep down somewhere i knew that I wouldn't be able to, due to missed timings and life changing. So when I am able to keep in touch with a friend, or they care enough to do the same with me, it means the world. I have never had the luxury of having friends, for a life time. Someone I grew up with who know me inside in out, I am almost envious of people who can say that they have known someone their entire lives," we were in first grade together." So even though I have said my many goodbyes, and felt that horrible feeling. I have never been able to warm up to it, no matter how many times it happens in my life, I always cry. I always cry.

I had to say goodbye to a dear friend tonight, someone who would never hurt a soul. Always there for you if you need him to be. Just an all around amazing person. It hit me harder than I thought it would. I just couldn't help myself. I pray that all his travels are safe and that I do get to see him again. He is one of those rare people that no matter what you want to keep in your life. SO hopefully, i shall see my dear friend again.

Although, tonight when I had to say good bye to him, it made me think about the people that I do have in my life. The people that I have met through others, work, school, chance... Every single one of them I feel is in my life for a reason... I am constantly trying to figure out how or what brought this person to me. I think that god has a plan for all of us, this journey that we have to live through. He brings individuals to us to teach us and guide us along the paths that we are destined to live. Some times I wonder if i think too much into certain friendships....( [please don't think that I am trying to say that only others provide for me, i intentionally try to help as many that I can in my life, love as many people, and now i sound like a hippy..) or certain people. There are things that sometimes happen, coincidences that i don't know if I could ever explain. It's as if god is trying to speak to me through these events and I don't know what he is trying to say. I would like to think i am not crazy with this, but it's just to abnormal to think otherwise. sometimes I wonder if the person in my life is meant to be there for the long haul and that's why I hold on to them so much, or maybe just the experiences I had were all I was suppose to have. Could it be that I am holding on to something that really isn't there. This ofcourse is an open ended question that I will never know the answer to , or fear the answer. love-jaime