The last week has been a roller coaster of interesting. I went on a photo shoot with my uncle in Gainesville, and afterwards I got to pet some pretty amazing animals, which two days later gave me an eye agitation causing me to think that I had pink eye. It's not fun putting eye drops in your eyes that soon cause you to want to vomit after of course burning the shit out of your eyes. Dear lord.
The dating has come to a hault for some unknown reason. It's a very daunting task that I have to keep up with. It's almost exhausting finding someone who wants to hang out with me for more than a day or two. I figure that being myself is what I am supposed to do, but I just somehow find that to not be enough,,,funny. I think sometimes that prostitution would be a much easier route, if only for a few seconds to be connected with someone, even if it is under false pretenses. ha, prostitution. Surely I would never amount to that, surely.
I have been having these crazy dreams lately. they all seem so real that when I wake up, I have to think about it for a little to realize that they were just dreams. For instance, I dreamt the other night that I was pregnant. I know me pregnant, kinda funny. well, I had sex with someone for the first time, but I didn't know who and I was 3 months along. I could feel the bulge n my stomach... the movement. i was crying thinking that ofcourse this would haoen to me. It fast forwarded to the child being 3 months old, I was breast feeding, which was really strange, not something I would recommend dreaming about. Fast forwarded again to the kid being 10. i was running late for work and just took him with me instead of school, where I realized what I did for a living, I was a university professor who taught shakespeare. I kept looking at all the men around me wondering if they were the child's father, it was very surreal. I think that this is one of my biggest fears. Having sex and the getting pregnant and raising the child on my own. I think my life is going to go a different route than most people's. But I am petrified of doing it alone.
So now I wait for the long weekend and the halloween party to come. Hopefully everything runs smoothly. Hopefully...Jaime
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