Day 31...fantasy can be reality?

I am feeling the actions of yesterday through my numerous aches today. I never though that signing up to play a fun game like kickball would amount to pain. pfff... I guess this is the reason that I never played any kind of sport before. I suppose I will have to work up a good stretching regimen in order to last without wanting to die.

I realized this afternoon that I need to stop watching television. It's not as if I watch copious amounts. It's just that I have a few shows that I look forward to seeing (which shall be unnamed, for sake of embarrassment). These shows. I just love the thought of the random nature of them. The possibility that the writers create. I normal person being seen by someone not so normal. The seduction and beauty in all the characters. The interesting yummy man finding something in the girl no one sees. It's all a fairy tale but as I said before I take well to those little stories. I think it's part of me hoping to have something amazing like the stories happen to me. Some part of me feels that if I keep believing than it will be possible that someone beautiful inside and out will notice me. The special event will happen with me. I think that after all these years of having nothing sexual in my life and hearing people say,"when it does happen it will be amazing" has built of the fantasy. Although I am beginning to lose patience and wanting things to happen now. I am ready for something amazing now. It might sound a little impossible. But it's has just been so long and the needs and longings start to take over. The compassion, and emotions, subtle hints, unknowing, and warm hugs. My body is starting to crave them more and more and unfortunately I cannot do anything about it. I feel like if I want it to happen it won't and when I least expect it, well, it will happen. Dear Lord. Fantasy will not be able to hold on much longer.

jaime Striby